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The Extreme Makeover

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The Extreme Makeover Empty The Extreme Makeover

Post by amanda Tue Nov 20, 2007 10:22 am

The extreme makeover
Let 'er Rip

Extreme Home Makeover is in Kansas City again. They did a house north of the river last year, one in south Kansas City about 5 years ago (both on the Missouri side), now they’re doing one in Kansas City, Kansas. This is part of their “one in every state” campaign. Fred, my partner, absolutely hates the show. “Well hell! If I had unlimited resources I could build a house in a week too!” He has a point.

I’m a lot like Ty Pennington. Or, I would be if I were much better looking, screamed a lot through a bullhorn, and knew anything about home remodeling.

It’s really fascinating how the whole city has been caught up in the hoopla of this show. One of the local TV stations has been on-site 24 hours a day, giving “breaking news” updates on the project:

This is Ima Socute, reporting live here in K.C.K., where they just nailed up a shingle! You heard it FIRST here on Action News! We’re the only station in town reporting this story!

For the past week in Kansas City, the ONLY news has been Extreme Home Makeover. And Britney Spears, of course. At least we’ve got our priorities straight.

Anyway, they’re back in K.C. I guess they couldn’t find anyone “worthy” in Wichita, Topeka, or dozens of other towns in Kansas, so here they are. I think Topeka would have been a good choice. The Phelps family compound is there. They could do a whole “compound makeover”.

I can see it now….

Ty with bullhorn: GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING PHELPS FAMILY!!!!! (They all come running out, Fred with the help of a walker.)

Ty: While we’re remodeling the compound, we’re sending all of you on a VACATION!!! Yes, we’re sending you to Eureka Springs, the most homosexual city in the south!! (ooohhs and aaaaahhs all around)

Ty: And Fred, I’ve made your pulpit my “Special Project”! I’m going to turn it into a STAGE, just for you, Fred! A special place for you to rehearse your Judy Garland!

Fred: Praise JEEzuz!

Ty to tv camera: I know that Fred does great drag. Or tries to. Miss Garland has always been his favorite, and, when he dons that wig and silver lame’ gown, well, he looks like………like………well, he looks like a demented old man in a dress. He knows all the words to “Over the Rainbow” and can belt out Garland like nobody’s business. At least he THINKS he can. It’s pathetic, really. Kind of like their entire lives!

(the klan climbs into the limo for a trip to the airport)

Makeover team: Bye Phelps klan! Bye! Have a great time at the Tiki and Eureka Live!

One of the makeover team: Here we have the Phelps’ placards that they travel with. See this? The paint is cracking, the words are getting all faded from weather, and, “God Hates Fags” is so…..passe’. So, we’re going to update these to read, “God Loves Gays”, “Homos are Heroes”, and “Long Live Lesbians!” I think they’re really going to be pleased with this new look! I’ve selected special paint colors, too. Pink and lavender!

Special tv hookup with Ty and the klan in Eureka:
Hey Phelps klan! How’s it going in the most homosexual city in the south?! Are you having a good time?! What……..what’s the matter with Fred? Is he passed out on the sidewalk? Poor devil can’t hold his liquor, can he!?! And, is that Shirley over there with her dress pulled up to her chin? I see the whole family is getting in on the fun!

One of the Phelps children: Dear God, my family is such an embarrassment.

MOVE THAT BUS! MOVE THAT BUS! MOVE THAT BUS!
(bus moves away)

Phelps: But, wait, this isn’t our family compound! This is the state mental institution!

Ty: Yes Fred, now you can do Judy to your hearts content in your very own padded cell! And here’s a lovely straight jacket just for you! See the pretty purple piping around the collar?!

I guess there’s nothing left to say but welcome home Phelps family. Welcome home.

Too bad Ty doesn’t do lobotomies.

* No Christians were harmed in the preparation of this missive, however, many gays have been harmed by people who claim to be Christians.

Yip @ November 11, 2007
amanda
amanda
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Number of posts : 153
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Location : Heber Springs, AR
Registration date : 2007-11-08

http://www.myspace.com/amandalpearson

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